carbide
A lotta trans folk
have parents
a mom or dad
but, not necessarily
their biological parents
And in this little community
of love, both familial and carnal
I wait alone
outside the window
on that cold winter day.
=
Cold. Hardened against
the cruel world
not by choice
mind you
but by circumstance
Use the right tool
for the job
hammer for nailing
drill for drilling
mill for machining.
=
I wake up.
tears rolling down
my cheeks
wetting the pillow
like a chloroform soaked rag
it's so bitterly cold
it was so visceral
it felt so real
the panic, the dread
I bolt awake.
=
I know they welcome me
with open arms and
a joyous embrace
but sometimes I feel
as if I don't fit at all
A misplaced tool perhaps
a lost 10mm socket
the missing 1/4" drill bit
or, my favorite carbide end mill
in a drawer of steel tools.
=
Carbide tools
are unlike steel
they are far harder
yet prone to fracture
under heavy axial loads
not forged in fire
but forced into shape from dust
burned into fusion
ground down to an edge
to be polished and packaged and sold.
=
how lonely that mill
must feel
surrounded by bits of steel
its cold on the treasured shelf
with no-one else to share
I once had two
such carbide bits
but I lost the first one long ago
and so one remains
alone.
=
and so I lie awake
in bed, empty
and alone
hardened not by choice
but by circumstance
I wait alone
outside that home
as an orphan
a carbide tool
left outside the drawer.